Dung Office

By Enver Robelli *

After huge success in domestic politics and foreign government of Kosovo , finally , a decision to establish the Office of dung , which will now administer successes and communicate directly with the public . - A little parody of the great crimes and follies

Slowly escaping the summer holidays . People with new energy rush - not into the workplace , but the Durres beach , Shëngjin Velipojë , Ulcinj , Vlora , Saranda Dhërmi coffee house moved in Pristina and other Kosovo towns . Most do not have jobs , and those who work at least half the hours pass by macchiato mixed shade of a oak that has remained without being cut .

All these people who vegetate in the general stagnation want to be informed of how things are , what awaits , when will " enter Europe " . Questions over questions . People want to know how things are state and affairs of society in general. As elections are approaching , birds of prey have power plan , which the government has adopted immediately , even without debate : from now on within the Kosovo government will work full-time ( ie 24 hours ! ) Office the Dung .

So far the government has no mouthpiece - another record under its " good governance " . Of course the government is feeling too bad that there was spokesman for years and - consequently - did not properly inform the public ever for her magnificent work in favor of the people of Kosovo . With boundless sense of guilt now the government is improving mistake established Office of dung . For the visionaries and thought tredhësit of flies in the name of friendship " with our international friends ." Snorter purpose of this entity is the government , ministers and deputy ministers , MPs and government as they biçim opposition - in a word all those who worship Allah and those who worship cocaine sometimes be closer to people close to the concerns and worries its . Knee on knee and breast- feeding more people .

No questions

An official of the Department of Dung , in most cases lies minister and key management of prisons , Hallvashitës Kavalli , will come out every day at 18:00 to the media and will show the work that has made ​​giant government and administration its composed of aunts and cousins ​​, uncles and godfathers , " war buddy " and fellow war tenders . Deaf-mute will listen .

No one will question troubling . Because there will be no reason to do either troubling questions , nor critical . Dung Office will notify the accuracy , clarity , sincerity , stunt for daily achievements of the government . Finally , the government has chosen for this purpose: to serve millet , be sacrificed to . No minister would not say that this work is doing for fun . No. No ! Such work done by the desire to serve the people , to fight poverty and to open factories to support the farmer and to raise industry .

Dung Office will tell us that everyone has fun and long may declare any district municipality , the Kosovo area or field . Promotion ceremony of the new municipality will organize Dung Office , covering all expenses , including the purchase of some turf that will be placed in the head manipulate children for political interests , buying scarves for girls and - most importantly - buying flowers for the Office of the Chief Dung , Hafif - Hyzmetçi Thashethemexhiun , who is wearing the leisure suit , shaking hands and head sees flying sky . Milla will enjoy sipping lemonade out of plastic cups and dance under the sound of the drum .

Shampoo and books

Dung Office will deal with the boss latimin image . Specialists lie entity will actually transform , fraud commitment , the promise of reliable snare , the caress mistreatment , verbal terror in tranquility , real tale to tale , defamation word of honor . Dung Office will write fresh news media , especially public television , which will dominate the news for aliens , filled with helium horses , cattle and mules flying playful .

Dung Office will work closely with the " media " will affect international and that " journalists " foreign , drunk after several glasses of brandy , describing them as gold manure . Any " Western journalist " will be caressed with a piece honorary name of " participation " or " moderation " conferences " Dung Institute of successes in the field of economic development , walking with giant steps towards Avrupës " . Etc. . Etc. .

Dung Office will organize dinners and lunches for pensioners by Avrupa policy , who will write brochures for the immense success of the Office of the Chief Dung and (co ) employees. These brochures Dung Office then will buy with cash. Deniz MacShampoo political pensioner , for example , would write - an honorarium from the budget - the third volume of his fables of the success of the government .

Dung Office will also write speeches for the boss . Aso speeches that will be aesthetic pleasure for the reader listener . Office will also publish a set of speeches in chief two million copies. In Fronte will be written in golden letters : WORKS . The set of actions ( speech ) the boss will be distributed everywhere , for free . Dung Office will also have a website ( www.plehu.ks ) , where the general public and will close on the successes of the government notified . Who will maintain the website other than senior official of the Department of dung , Sokol ball , learned and what exercise to keep them ordered - with both hands and not only .

Office will provide interactive services . For members of the party will organize free courses for milking the Republic led by the Office of dung workers , where manure largest stables for myself blind , but in government offices . Dung Office will organize a course on the use of Kalashnikov - but these only to be followed by Sucker rulers . The first to be supplied with Kalashnikovs were the sons of Adam St. Gabelit . Then hazërxhevapi Sokol pellet will write a column , which will protect the right of each party member Adam Gabelit have insert. Column will be published under the title : " The Kalashnikov to Brussels " .

Roses on fertilizer

Dung Office will have representation in every village and neighborhood , in every city and in every group of houses in the city biçim . Dung Office is the only hope of the nation . Thanks to its information policy millet will be convinced that on January 1, 2014 will travel to the Schengen countries without needing a visa for entry . Even on the third floor , the second window of the Office of dung , anyone who travels in Europe will receive an envelope with 500 euros to cover basic expenses . Schengen will be only a vain village somewhere in Europe .

Dung Office will open representative offices in all countries of the world , especially in those countries that have not recognized Kosovo's independence , to promote the priorities and values ​​of democracy in Kosovo. Office will also lobby for the establishment of diplomatic relations between Kosovo and countries that still reluctant to recognize the independence of the newest state in the world , in March and Monday . Charge for the invisible work of the Office of dung , Cheeky budget shall appoint honorary consuls of the Republic of Kosovo, some washing- money , extortionists , mobsters and tenderologë from the Caucasus in Cameroon .

Dung Office will deal with the management , coordination , dresimin , chasing the virtual dogs . Their task will be to continue to bark through social media against all those who doubt the success of the Office of dung . Work motto will be : over and under fertilizer , dung Office sees as successes and roses . Over and under fertilizer , everything blooms and the song echoes everywhere .

Dung Office will be present with mobile clinics throughout Kosovo . Doctors Office will issue a " certificate of insanity " to all those who have committed crimes in the interests of the Institute of dung . Office will also issue proof of participation in the war , and specific evidence will take them to torture camps Albanian mobsters " liberators " in the vicinity Kukes , Durres and elsewhere .

The task of the Institute is working to identify all veterans of the liberation war of shops , houses , fields , construction sites , gas stations , public enterprises , coffee house , etc. teahouses . The government has decided that the budget of the Office of dung to be between 100 and 500 million euros per year - depending on the needs of the employees consuming entity of great strategic importance .

The story of Dung 's Office may sound like good material for a theatrical parody . The truth , however , is that Kosovo citizens living in the real travesty .